LINGO OF MY INNER VOICE

I am really low right now. I am studying ACCA and I don’t like it. I mean I enjoy studying the course but I am not excited about what I have to do after qualifying. Most of you know that I was mad about film making but I have also seen that if you want to do realistic cinema, Pakistan doesn’t have any framework or mass audience right now. So the second best thing is to be an inspiring trainer. I am in process of joining someone to first train myself for the field and eventually getting into it when I pass my ACCA so I have a qualification to back me up.

So that person called me on a great platform where all the professional come to attend such talks. My mentor was actually the speaker that day so he asked me to come and see how everything works and I was so excited that I went there in spite of exams which are like not even a week away now and I have really bad preparation :(.

Now what I am going to write here is really sad. I just hate myself now. I mean in past one year or two, I have just changed into something I am not. I guess I am just facing a multiple personality disorder or simply the insecurities from past are coming on the surface which either I have or others have imposed on me but I won’t blame others because in the end it is always upto you. I mean I am like very energetic and talkative person but when I am in a situation where I don’t know anyone or I don’t have something to talk, I just sulk. I have also become extra-polite which is not at all a good thing because then you can not project your personality and express your thoughts. He also asked me to interact with others but I did only with one person. I mean I am still a student what should I say to other professionals and how to approach them in the first place. I know he was observing me, how much? I don’t know. I also told him that I am really confused and he said its okay. It happens when you are there for the first time. Am I taking this thing too seriously?

I am really disappointed with myself. This has to be changed. After exams I will work on it for sure because this is not me. And I am only ME and not the other things. Life is never perfect just accept this fact and do your best. Whatever his objective was, to have a clue about the whole thing or to see my confidence and communication skills, it doesn’t matter any more. Because even if he just wanted me to have a clue about the whole corporate training setup, still there is something which I have to work on.

Wish me luck.

Both for the needful and the exams.

Take Care.

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today…

Imagine there’s no countries Imagine no closed borders
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too We live with tolerance
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us

Right now I so want to do an article for this whole lal masjid jamia hafsa bullshit drama. I am just sick of it. Those two brothers have contradicted their own words in their interviews, their articles and their demands. They are confused themselves about what Islam is and what they want. They have their hollow motives behind it. I have done some research in print and electronic media about this but sadly I don’t have any time now to write it all because of exams but I don’t think this thing would get solved soon. I will write about it after 15th June for sure.

This is hilarious,
Dear General Sahib, please take off the uniform.

It is very satirist and fun to read. Actually I am neither an anti-Musharraf and nor a complete fan, somewhere in between I guess. He has done a lot of good for our nations and he has also made some bad decisions but he is a human after all. Better than our puraney rotten politicians and sick minded dont-know-anything-about-Islam politicians(I won’t call them religious scholars because they aren’t in real sense). I do think that his wardi does hinder sometimes in his decisions but what else he can do when this nation only understands the danda way though he is very much trying to spread awareness about tolerance. I mean there is so much mess already done with this country in Past that one can’t give a yes/no or true/false answer. Everything becomes relative and I guess it should be if it is not something extreme.

Today I ate:

from subah
1. Samosa which was a treat for our teacher.

dupair
2. Two plates of Peri Peri Rice with raita

shaam
3. One chicken pattie

raat
4. Two plates of Peri Peri Rice with raita
5. Chola Sandwich
7. Bun Kabab with potato chips
8. Three chicken patties
9. Mango Milkshake
10. Plain Fruit Salad

Now I am feeling like I would burst any moment. Allah reham karey!

Listening:
Not falling apart - Maroon 5
Songs of Album ROUGH CUT

Reading:
What you need to read before exams?

A mother love is everybody’s first love.
So is mine, and will always remain.

Maa, Thanks for always being there.
For being my best buddy.
For doing every possible thing to make me happy.
For all the time, support and moments we share.
For shaping my personality.
For encouraging me every time.
For seeing dreams from me.
And all the unconditional love.

Now its my time.
I wish and pray I can do the same.
Wish me luck.
Love ya Mom.
saal bhar ka piyaar, ek din izhaar
Zindagi bhar ka piyar!

And you my dear God, you are great. Life is indeed a blessing in so many ways and its only you who could make such special creations.

While Shakira is singing ‘Hips Don’t Lie’ and Beyone is finding her ‘Beautiful Liar’, NRP(not responsible pakistanis) Ghulam MQM not-so-rahim and Gunda Bhai Saheb are sounding insanely donkey-ish liar butts. The only good advice for all the constipated fundos are that they should do potties. And I am damn serious.

So for a change, I am not reporting anything. If you want to see my views you can read the post of Unaiza at KMB and then my comments too. For a change, I want to be happy. I love tagging.

And brownie wali heewa wants to fill this tag and I am like anytime buddy.

three things that scare me:

1. Hurting and losing my loved ones.
2. Failure of not putting my best in something.
3. Heights, Water and Dogs(our family doesn’t get along with them).

three people who make me laugh:

1. I’ll say… myself. lol
2. Paindoos
3. People like Fasi Zaka and NFP

three things i love:

1. Art and Philosophy - photography, movies, music
2. reading and writing
3. self-development seminars (aspiring to be a trainer)

three things i hate:

1. Sinus
2. The monkey man - George W. Bush
3. the narrowminded unethical SICK people
(I guess 2 and 3 are more sort of THINGS than humans)

three things i don’t understand:

1. how can you live your life without any purpose!
2. how can people neglect their parents!
3. frandship requests from strangers, saas bahu dramas, insane materialsm and consumerism

three things on my desk:

1. mess (papers, stationary, tissues, spray bottle, prepay card that I have already used, 10 rupees note, law notes, used battery cell, nic copy and other useless things —> damn I can’t find my specs)
2. my adorable CANON A620 Digital Camera
3. my cellphone

three things i am doing right now:

1. playing with the dandruff in my hair.
2. watching Abida Parveen’s Mind-Blowing Performace of The Aurora Awards at HUMTV.
3. worrying about exams for which I haven’t even start preparing.

three things i want to do before i die:

1.
2. live alone.
3. live in florence for a month. ( like a queen, i might add :P)

three things i can do:

1. write
2. speak
3. create

three things you should listen to:

1. Abida Parveen’s Music seriously!
2. your consciousness, inner voice, human values whatever you name it.
3. the wisdom of others, and yours too.

three things i’d like to learn:

1. Salsa
2. Film Making
3. Overcoming the fears and procrastination

three favourite foods:

Now this is cheating only 3.
1. Okay I start with DHOKHRA
2. biryani, karahi, pizza — all chicken-ish
3. peaches, cake and donuts

three beverages i drink regularly:

1. water
2. water
3. water
Btw I can drink peach juice everyday if it wasn’t a seasonal food.

three tv shows/books i read as a child:

1. There was one book called SHARING. That was my first book that I issued from a library and read it like bazillion times. I went there again few days ago and read it again, just to cherish the memories.
2. There was some PTV program on Science. (Yes I was born nerd.)
3. Hum Paanch =p (We didn’t had the cable television then so I used to rent it’s videos =p) Then there was also pink panther, popeye, tom and jerry, swat kats and puppet shows.

I tag:

Unaiza, Zenia, Sid and Fairy Dust

*Expected Disasters*
I can’t think of living without rice and peaches. Can you?
Global warming can empty world’s rice bowl
Honeybee die-off treathens food supply

Melting Greenland ice to raise ocean seven metres

I guess, Mullahs endorsing Danda Islam should be hanged. Extemists only understand the language of extremism. This is really sad.
In the name of religion

Thanks to pollution..
7.5m asthama patients in the country

*Future Hopes*
This news really excites me. I knew it way before it was going to start but didn’t know the whole cast back then. Only knew that Nandita Das was there.
A saviour of Pakistani cinema?

People need this today badly.
Letting off steam

*Events This Week*
INTERNATIONAL MYSTIC SUFI FESTIVAL 2007 in Baradari, Karachi (3rd-7th May)
Tickets will be available from venue. Ticket for each show is for Rs. 300

*Jokes*

US itself is doing mass-destruction. Hell ya Bush Monkey Faced Chimpanzee!!
US ‘biggest offender’ of cliamate: WWF
US let Pakistan go nuclear: ex-CIA official

They should better study because I don’t think anything can change the poor loadshedding situation.
Students protest against loadshedding

Pemra is a big joke and everybody knows that. Soon people replace Sardarjee to Pemra in Jokes.
Pemra objects to TV Mobile phone service

The bollywood divide