I am Back

Asma thinks that I am dead because I am not updating my blog and Dehog is now sick of listening to my topis of updating the blog time and again.

So here I am writing back to my wonderful readers

I wanted to say so much since the last blog post and it would have been a long post to write but the irony is that I have forgotten everything that I wished to write except some things:

1. Karachi University isn’t suitable place to give any exams whatsoever. They have very bad exam administration which can even resort to casual swearing. The chairs are made of wooden carton boxes. Tables are dented and filthy. Dust is in abundance and the tents can fall any time. Thank God my exams are over there. See you next year UOK/KU.

2. My ACCA exams were okay and now I am in fear of my results. Prayers wanted. I need to pass these two papers.

3. I have finally started my first job. Lets hope there is wide scope to learn and do a lot of work. Life is hectic but I guess I will cope up.

4. Sometimes I feel I am suffering from bi-polar syndrome, but the real problem is I am highly optimistic and moderately realistic.

5. Though we think life isn’t going our way but still it is better than of many others so always be thankful.

6. Does being thankful mean that stop being ambitious?

7. Isn’t life all about taking chances.. if they are intelligent chances.. YES!!

8. I have dream. I want this rather I wish it. God will help. HE will do whatever is in my best interest. I so believe in this

I guess this is enough for today.

 

Disappointed but Optimistic

I am really low right now. I am studying ACCA and I don’t like it. I mean I enjoy studying the course but I am not excited about what I have to do after qualifying. Most of you know that I was mad about film making but I have also seen that if you want to do realistic cinema, Pakistan doesn’t have any framework or mass audience right now. So the second best thing is to be an inspiring trainer. I am in process of joining someone to first train myself for the field and eventually getting into it when I pass my ACCA so I have a qualification to back me up.

So that person called me on a great platform where all the professional come to attend such talks. My mentor was actually the speaker that day so he asked me to come and see how everything works and I was so excited that I went there in spite of exams which are like not even a week away now and I have really bad preparation :(.

Now what I am going to write here is really sad. I just hate myself now. I mean in past one year or two, I have just changed into something I am not. I guess I am just facing a multiple personality disorder or simply the insecurities from past are coming on the surface which either I have or others have imposed on me but I won’t blame others because in the end it is always upto you. I mean I am like very energetic and talkative person but when I am in a situation where I don’t know anyone or I don’t have something to talk, I just sulk. I have also become extra-polite which is not at all a good thing because then you can not project your personality and express your thoughts. He also asked me to interact with others but I did only with one person. I mean I am still a student what should I say to other professionals and how to approach them in the first place. I know he was observing me, how much? I don’t know. I also told him that I am really confused and he said its okay. It happens when you are there for the first time. Am I taking this thing too seriously?

I am really disappointed with myself. This has to be changed. After exams I will work on it for sure because this is not me. And I am only ME and not the other things. Life is never perfect just accept this fact and do your best. Whatever his objective was, to have a clue about the whole thing or to see my confidence and communication skills, it doesn’t matter any more. Because even if he just wanted me to have a clue about the whole corporate training setup, still there is something which I have to work on.

Wish me luck.

Both for the needful and the exams.

Take Care.

 

Imagine by John Lennon

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today…

Imagine there’s no countries Imagine no closed borders
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too We live with tolerance
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us

 

I don’t know why people like to boast about themselves. Specially when it comes to money or the superficial status. The class doesn’t come with the brands you flaunt, the car you drive or by the area where you live with fake masks. It comes with your mind, your intelligence, your personality, your opinions, your mindset and YOUR MANNERS and ethics.

I am not saying money, isn’t important but it is not everything. Not worthy enough to go all mad and ugly over it.

We are becoming everything but what we actually mean to be, humans!

The way we this world is going ahead and the way we are shaping it and ourselves utterly makes me depressed.

 

My Visual DNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

I want to write a post which is pending for a month. I hope I can write it ASAP now

 

Answers

Enjoy while it lasts!

..but what about the after gloom effect?

Who cares!

Life goes on, it has so much to offer.

 

Complexity Within!

I know I am deeply blessed by God.

I am kind of wild and loud type of person, do things which people feel weird but which are deeply satisfying and important to me as a person. Individualist and creative people are never understood. The problem is that they don’t care about what society thinks, a big problem for society because they ride over unnecassary social laws. I push my limits so I can extend my boundaries. I can fit in easily but still I can’t fit in. People still consider me alien or atleast not a usual person. I know I am not like others and that is what makes me special and I really cherish that but I hate it when people point out my weaknesses which aren’t that important to be discussed, they are not weaknesses, just a different perspective. I talk aloud, mark my mark and leave people making them think too much. Proud to people, very humble inside and in this mix gets ignored at most of the places. Everybody wants appreciation for their contribution and its okay and its not a proud freak stuff. Very much modern and liberal, but oldfashioned where I need to be. Actually that is what people say is oldfashion but in reality it isn’t. I follow MTV but don’t get brainwashed. I am one hell of a complicated person who loves to learn and has a childlike enthusiasm. Gets bored with things easily but not relationships. What to learn everything he finds exciting. Excited by the choice but a victim of choice too. What to do and what not to do when you want to do everything you can do.

With such personality, you know people will bitch and it’s alright completely, still it hurts. I am becoming socially unsocial. Internet and ACCA(because we don’t study as normal people do and we have no campus life whatsoeva!) has even made it worse. I am becoming isolated. I am at the extreme vulnerability of becoming a depressed individual.

And this complex person wants to reach the perfection that humans can achieve not Godly perfection but humanely yes! I guess much is expected from me. It has always been like you should be come first. Spotlight should be on your humble soul.

I have lost my mind in search in this thinking cum worrying process. I worry alot about the future. Planning is okay but I am pushing it too far I guess.

I know you wouldn’t understand much of it. Not even if you read between the lines. I also have to read it again and comprehend.

 

Foodie :(

I have always find fine-dining as a waste of money - a sin, if you waste your resources everyday. First of all you waste money on food which just a necessity, which can be satiated with anything so spending much on overrated pricey foods is thanklessness. The more you eat yummiest food, the more you want it. Today you want a pizza, another day a burger, maybe next day a donut and chips-n-samosas everyday. Not only you eat money in a way but also you eat much more than you need. Over the top, you don’t exercise. Then you get fat and then it adversely affects your health and body by which again you are wasting a resource, a blessing.

Btw pricey doesn’t mean you can’t afford it. Pricey is relatively higher to other cheap quality products.

Resolution: Eat healthy food. Now junk-pricey food will be occasional i.e. when you need a change for a day and have a mood for a good hangout with family and friends. And this is not a new year resolution because they always fail =p