Disappointed but Optimistic

I am really low right now. I am studying ACCA and I don’t like it. I mean I enjoy studying the course but I am not excited about what I have to do after qualifying. Most of you know that I was mad about film making but I have also seen that if you want to do realistic cinema, Pakistan doesn’t have any framework or mass audience right now. So the second best thing is to be an inspiring trainer. I am in process of joining someone to first train myself for the field and eventually getting into it when I pass my ACCA so I have a qualification to back me up.

So that person called me on a great platform where all the professional come to attend such talks. My mentor was actually the speaker that day so he asked me to come and see how everything works and I was so excited that I went there in spite of exams which are like not even a week away now and I have really bad preparation :(.

Now what I am going to write here is really sad. I just hate myself now. I mean in past one year or two, I have just changed into something I am not. I guess I am just facing a multiple personality disorder or simply the insecurities from past are coming on the surface which either I have or others have imposed on me but I won’t blame others because in the end it is always upto you. I mean I am like very energetic and talkative person but when I am in a situation where I don’t know anyone or I don’t have something to talk, I just sulk. I have also become extra-polite which is not at all a good thing because then you can not project your personality and express your thoughts. He also asked me to interact with others but I did only with one person. I mean I am still a student what should I say to other professionals and how to approach them in the first place. I know he was observing me, how much? I don’t know. I also told him that I am really confused and he said its okay. It happens when you are there for the first time. Am I taking this thing too seriously?

I am really disappointed with myself. This has to be changed. After exams I will work on it for sure because this is not me. And I am only ME and not the other things. Life is never perfect just accept this fact and do your best. Whatever his objective was, to have a clue about the whole thing or to see my confidence and communication skills, it doesn’t matter any more. Because even if he just wanted me to have a clue about the whole corporate training setup, still there is something which I have to work on.

Wish me luck.

Both for the needful and the exams.

Take Care.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. essjee
    Jun 02, 2007 @ 21:23:04

    🙂 it happens..once u r used to a certain environment its easy for u to interact..and if its he first time..the gist is to absorb the environment…

    anyway..all the best for overcomming it..and for the exams too..

  2. Raheel
    Jun 03, 2007 @ 10:56:24

    thank you

  3. malaika rizwi
    Aug 02, 2007 @ 18:27:20

    you should be what you want to be and not what others want you to be…anyway everyone has potential to overcome what ever they want..im sure you’ll be able to aswell if you try hard enough.

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